From a child's perspective

One of the kids I work with is not only cute, but very challenging. He has a tough home life and it is reflected in his behavior at school. He will have to repeat the first grade because he reads and writes at a kindergarten level. It isn't that he has a learning disability or is dumb. In fact, verbally, he is beyond a first grade level. The problem lies in his behavior which has been so awful that he has missed tons of school. I now spend each morning helping him start his day off right and have managed to build a good relationship with him.

During our last session, he was being very difficult which, sadly, is not unlike him. He was finally able to verbalize that he missed his teacher and was feeling sad about it. (His teacher was the one I previously mentioned who took a few months off due to stress.) I helped him write a letter to her and he said he also wanted to draw her a picture. He said he wanted to draw a church since that is where his teacher and I see each other. He proceeded to draw a seven year old non church goers version of a church.

He drew what looked like a tepee. He drew Jesus hanging on a cross and tested multiple crayons before he decided which was the right "red" for the blood. The more he drew, the more excited he became. The church was topped off with lights, a light switch, speakers, stairs, excessive amounts of snow, and of course Santa Claus in his sleigh with reindeer and bags of toys for children. The picture is precious and I'm sad to part with it. For a kiddo who has only been to church once with his grandpa, it was quite the drawing.

I brought the letter home and showed Chris. He loved it. I can't wait to give it to the teacher. I know she will be touched.

Fried, cooked, charred, or just plain burned out

When the substitute teacher walks out and says he is never coming back to the school, you know. When a presenter from L.A. stops in the middle of the all school assembly to say he has never been disrespected by an audience like this before, you know. When a wonderful teacher has to take a leave of absence because she is grinding her teeth at night due to stress from her first grade class, you know. When the new kid you are supposed to add to your caseload gets arrested his second day of school, you know. When you haven't had a day off for 3 1/2 months, you know. You know it is time for the mental health therapist to take a mental health day when the thought of talking to another parent or another child makes you want to crawl in a deep, dark hole. So here I am at 10:40 a.m. on St. Patrick's Day. I'm sitting on my couch blogging instead of providing services to the kids who are about to put me over the edge. My cat is sitting next to me licking out the remains of my banana bread from the tupperware it was in. My other cat is taking part in an activity known as sleeping and I'm about 5 minutes away from joining him. However do I think I will opt for the bed instead of the floor. Let the 3 day weekend away from work begin!

The Dumpling 

Whirlpool and all

We did it! After much pain and agony, we have chosen a house. We have put an offer down on the house. We have haggled with the seller of the house. We have signed the papers for the house. And we have declared the house to be cute. Adorable actually. MOB is referring to it as a dumpling due to its cuteness, adorableness, smallness, and her need to give everything a name. Chris and I are just plain excited.

The house is a wee bit smaller than the townhouse we are living in now but the difference is that it is OURS!! No more dumping stupidly large amounts of money into rent. The house that will be ours on April 20th is a three bedroom, two bath...three if you prefer bathing in the whirlpool that is sitting on the huge deck out back. The kitchen is large and we have a wood burning fireplace. Those were our two big essentials. I also wanted a large walk in closet but my definition of large and other people's definition of large is completely different. Thankfully the master bedroom closet is MY definition of a large walk in closet.

The only downside to the dumpling is that the living/dining/family room isn't all that big. The current owners have one couch and one big chair along with a small dining room table. Chris and I have two couches, no chair, and a slightly larger dining room table. One of our couches is a recent purchase since previous to that, only two people could sit in the living room at a time. Needless to say we were really excited when we found a wonderfully comfortable and inexpensive couch so that at least 5 people could be gathered together without anyone having to sit on the floor.

One tiny problem...

Am I the only one who has noticed that furniture looks SIGNIFICANTLY smaller in the showroom than it does once is arrives in your house? I practically passed out when it was delivered. We have no idea how we are going to manage both couches in our new living room and we can't afford to make another purchase such as a chair so we would have the option of putting the couch in another room...the kitchen maybe so I could be comfortable when I watch Chris cook dinner. :)

Seriously though, we aren't sure what we are going to do. We are minimalists so we don't like a lot of "stuff." Collections aren't our thing. Nik-naks aren't our thing. Less is more is our thing. So how we are going to manage our more than more two couches is going to be quite the feat. Thankfully, we are up for it. We can't hardly wait to move into our new house...or dumpling if you will.

Life with social workers

I’m a social worker. So is my husband. We graduated with the same degree in undergrad and graduate school yet we have vastly different jobs. Chris works for the VA and deals with homeless veterans with addiction and mental health issues. I work on the other side of the spectrum and am employed by a mental health agency but my office is in an elementary school. I have my own caseload of kids I am required to assess, diagnose if appropriate, and provide services.

So how does this marriage of social workers play out after a hard day of social work work? Typically one of us...or just me...vents about the day and the frustrations of not having "Brat, Pain in the Butt, Liar, Bully, and a variety of other than less than complimentary but sadly accurate descriptions listed in the Diagnostic Handbook. Instead, I am stuck with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, etc... How limiting!!!

And on the treatment plan I am required to create, I find it a bit binding to not be allowed to give certain thick skulled kids a swift kick in the pants on a weekly (or daily) basis. It might really help a few of these youngsters. Instead I am required to actually talk to them.

Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my job. It does have its challenging days and that is where Chris comes in. He understands my need to be un-politically correct for a few minutes. He gets it when I need to make less than sensitive comments since I have spent the last nine hours being sensitive to everyone I come into contact with. This is just a tiny bit of my husband that I couldn’t live without. If I didn’t have it, I am not sure I could be nearly as effective a social worker I like to think I am for the kids. Hopefully I provide the same sort of support for him in his times of un-PCness because when we need to vent, it is like the saying, when it rains, it pours…and boy can it pour in our house.

Listening skills...lost but not forgotten?

When did listening become something of the past? It seems that whenever I talk to what I assume (my mistake) is a professional, that I need to repeat myself over and over and over and over and over and…you get the picture.

For example, I recently spoke to an insurance agent who mispronounced my name. It was my maiden name for which no one can seem to pronounce. It isn’t a difficult name…Barger. That is said with a soft “g,” not a hard “g.” For sake of understanding, I will write what is the correct pronunciation as “Barjer.” What follows is my conversation with the listening impaired agent:

“Well Miss Barger I have reviewed your claim and I see you sustained some damage from the accident.”
“That is Miss Barjer and yes, I did sustain damage.”
“Oh, I apologize Miss Barjer. Would you mind taking a recorded statement?”
“Not at all.”
“Ok, it is 2:15pm and this is a recorded statement from Miss Barger. Hello Miss Barger.”
“That is Miss Barjer.”
“Oh, ok Miss Barjer…

Five minutes later…

“Thank you Miss Barger for taking the time to answer my questions.”
“That is Miss Barjer and your welcome.”

Did he not hear me the first two times I corrected him? Was there a memory loss within the 10 seconds it took to screw my name up twice? At least I was able to assist him in looking stupid on the recorded statement, not that he needed much help from me.

And then there was the lady from the promotion agency. I called to get confirmation for a promo job I am planning on doing tomorrow. I called, gave my name, and explained what I needed. She responds, “I don’t think we have any more openings tomorrow for auditions.”
“I don’t need an audition. I need to know if I am confirmed for a promotion I was called about for tomorrow.”
“Well I haven’t called the hotline yet but I’m sure we have a few more spots for an audition. Wait, are you already a client?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. Sorry. So you need to know about when the next set of auditions are?”
”No. I need to talk to someone about the promotion tomorrow. Someone from your agency called me about a promotion for SoBe.”
“SoBe like the drink?”
“Ah, yeah. Like the drink. Is Rudy (the boss) around?”
“Noooo. It’s his day off. So this is for SoBe? Wait! Is this the promotion for SoBe? I know about that. When is it?
“Tomorrow!”
“That’s the third time you have said that isn’t it.”
“Ah, yeah.” Etc…

Who decided all of the smart people were no longer going to talk on the phone and reserved those jobs for complete morons? It isn’t terribly difficult to listen. It requires closing your mouth and opening your ears. Granted there are classes in active listening skills so something must be difficult but I’m not asking for active listening. I just want the basics. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so…