Morning clothes quandries

I have discovered a problem with going to the gym in the mornings. It isn't exactly about the gym itself but more the dilemma about having to get ready to go to work at the gym after working out.

Chris and I have a routine each evening which involves packing our lunch, pre-setting the coffee maker, and packing our gym bag with the clothes we will wear to work the following day. None of this is problematic. The problem comes after I have showered and start pulling out the clothes chosen the night before from my gym bag. It is only then that I discover I have forgotten my belt. Or my shoes look completely ridiculous with my outfit. Or I packed pants I machine dried for the first time and didn't realize how much they had shrunk. Of course my shoes also had big heels on them that day so I looked like I was waiting for the next flood. I couldn't pull them low enough on my hips to avoid the "Is the Ark coming soon" look so after arriving at work, I took scissors and ripped the hem out of the bottom of each pant leg. So much for those pants...

Recently I decided I was tired of wearing the same outfits over and over so I pulled a shirt out of my closet that I never wear. Was I smart enough to try it on before tossing it in my bag? Of course not. After pulling on my pants at the gym, I realized I forgot my belt. Not a huge crisis. Not until I put my shirt on and remembered why I never wear this shirt. It is WAY TOO SHORT!! It was terrible. If I had remembered a belt, I could at least have hoisted my pants up high enough to look like Urkle and cover my belly. But between my sagging pants and the horribly short and tight shirt, I was a fashion nightmare.

Let me point out that one of the reasons I go to this specific gym is that it is the halfway point between home and work. The bonus to working out so early is that I get through the worst spot of traffic in Indianapolis before traffic even becomes an issue. This of course means that driving home to change a nightmare outfit is never a possibility. I would be at least an hour late to work. In the case of the no belt and too short/too tight shirt, my solution was to wear my coat zipped half way up the entire day. I only received a little bit of deserved abuse from my goodnatured coworkers and the shirt is now sitting in the pile to go to Goodwill.

I suppose this is one way of cleaning out the closet...

Indoor fun

I realized something about myself last night...something disappointing. I realized that I don't take pictures. I also realized that I really like having pictures. Not a good combination. That is the biggest reason why there are so few pictures in my blog. I was thinking about all the things I wanted to write on and what great entries they would have been if I had remembered my camera. Sad.

Three weekends ago I went downtown Chicago to celebrate the 30th birthday of some friends. We went to a steak house and then to see My Fair Lady. It received great reviews...just not from us. The singers were difficult to understand. They were muffled and frequently the orchestra was louder than they were. Instead of sleeping in the city, I drove home to Wheaton and picked up my poof couch from college. It looks like an oversized bean bag chair. Instead of little beads, it is made of recycled mattresses which makes it the ultimate in comfort.

In my house, we have three bedrooms. One we turned into an office/poop room for the cats. While spending the weekend before Chicago in Lexington, KY with other girlfriends, it dawned on me that we should get rid of the office and turn it into a reading room. This would make it usable space since the office was going unused and would also allow for Chris and I to have a retreat when we needed alone time. I wish we had before and after pictures since the poof couch in the reading room is where I am sitting and it looks so different than before. Mijo has also decided he likes this room and if frequently found on the poof couch.

Anyway, getting to the title of this post, Chris and I went tobogganing two weekends ago in northern Indiana with another couple we are friends with. With the wind and having to wait in line 30 minutes for each ride down the track, it was really cold!! The track is refrigerated and with the two hills, we were able to reach 36 mph. After getting tired/cold of standing in line to go tobogganing, we decided to engage in some winter hiking. Chris and I were new at this but it was a lot of fun. I recall a snowball fight breaking out...

This past weekend we joined another couple and went indoor rock climbing. Initially I was hesitant since my last experience wasn't that great. This experience was completely different. I don't know how many walls I climbed but as long as I stuck to the easier ones, I was able to make it up with ease and build my confidence. The best part was my last climb. As more of a joke than anything else, I decided to try a wall that was inverted. My girlfriend had gotten a quarter of the way up before falling so that was my goal. I made it halfway up before losing my foothold and dangling in the air by my hand grips. I managed to hold on, re-establish my footing, and I made it to the top. I think my friends were as surprised as I was.

If only I remembered my camera...

Life at the new job

I could have written many times earlier about the job. It certainly isn't for lack of stories. For me, it was about timing and desire. Well, the timing is right and the desire is here.

I'll call him The Grinch to protect those who aren't innocent but those whose name I can't say for HIPPA reasons. He is around 55 years old and has paranoid schizophrenia. Oh, and he is horribly mean. This is unrelated to his illness. He just happens to have the illness and be mean at the same time. I think the mean part came first but that is just my opinion. He is known for treating women poorly. For those who know psych terms, he has many transference issues. For those who don't know psych stuff, he had a bad relationship with his wife and takes it out on all other women.

I had met with him in his apartment on one other occasion. He was bearable. Not so today.

I arrived and he was already on edge and irritable. In the 5 minutes I was there he misunderstood (or didn't listen) to everything/anything I said which was all of about 2 sentences. He became hostile, said he wasn't a Jew and that he believed in God. I am going to note right here that my initial question was, "How are you?" Crazy question I know!!

Anyway, he said that he tells people that if they don't like him or don't like what he says that they can get the f*** out of [his apartment]. I asked if he has had to tell anyone that lately. He shared that he was telling me that and repeated himself louder. He continued to cuss me out using the "F" word, certainly winning the world record for number of times it can be said in such a short period of time.

I informed him in my calm and soothing tone of voice that I wasn't going to file a complaint but that I was going to leave. He became more hostile, continued to cuss me out saying the "F" word repeatedly, and finished by demanding I get the f*** out of his apartment and not to let the door his my a** on the way out. I kindly said I would call him later in the week to see if he was ready for a visit.

And then I called my mom. Moms are good for things like that, like being able to share exactly what was said and being appropriately appalled but not to appalled since she knows the population I work with. My next phone call was to my co-worker to inform him of my home visit with The Grinch. He said leaving was exactly the right decision.

Since I have only worked with kids, knowing what to do in situations with seriously mentally ill adults sometimes stumps me.

In my previous life as a child's therapist, I would have looked him in the eye and said, "It's ok to be mad. It's not ok to be mean" and I would have left. Perhaps I will try this next time. I wonder if The Grinch would beat his cussing world record. Probably but I would leave with a smile on my face. If they act like children, treat them like children.

Running

There are three different kinds of runs.

There is the "I need to lose weight" run. Those are generally anguish filled and can be hard to maintain motivation to complete the run.

There is the "Gee it is lovely outside and I really want to get some fresh air" run. Those can be nice on 70 degree spring days when the birds are chirping.

Then there is the "I'm doing this for my mental health" run. For me, those are the best. The speed, distance, and length of time spend running are all completely up to you. I suppose so are the "Gee it is lovely outside" runs but the mental health runs are special.

To be outside and focus on the sound of your feet hitting the pavement...
To think about everything or nothing...
To simply be...

Tonight I went on a mental health run. It was 32 degrees outside and there were hardly any cars the road let alone runners. It was snowing and I could see my breath. It was calming, soothing.

It was perfect.

The best Christmas Ever!

It wasn't about the gifts...although they certainly were nice...lots of shirts for work, workout clothes to inspire me to continue to go to the gym, and almost everything you can imagine with the Chicago Bears emblem. Chris' Indianapolis Colts were given a nod with a Colts scarf and Colts cups from my mom and a Colts football from me to Chris.

The holiday was spent doing nothing more than relaxing and spending quality time with family. We played Dominos (yes, it is a real game), put together most of a mystery puzzle, and played a new board game called Therapy. We laughed, told stories, and laughed some more. Oh yeah, and we also ate.

The only moment that brought sadness was saying goodbye to Tim, my brother, who is leaving for North Africa for two years to be a missionary. I'm not one for lengthy goodbyes and I don't think Tim is either. I gave him a hug and told him I loved him. It was quite possibly the most heartfelt "I love you" I have ever given him. And then I walked out the door. I didn't want him to see me starting to cry. I will miss him but I couldn't be more proud of him.

An emotional Christmas indeed.

Long time no write

Or at least it feels that way. I have been putting off writing the Christmas letter but I decided that until it was written, I wasn't allowed to blog. I'm not sure why I do that to myself but it isn't the first time. Over the summer I decided I wasn't allowed to read any of my books until I took my licensure exam. I was THRILLED when it was over and I swallowed up a few books all at one time as soon as I had the chance.

The Christmas letter is written and Chris added all of the fun details to it such as a heading, watermark, and pictures. This is why you will see a picture of the Indianapolis Colts Superbowl ring in the letter. I tried to explain that a Christmas letter is to show recipients pictures of us, not of things they can see anywhere. He vehemently disagreed and you will see upon receiving the Christmas letter that he won. I still think it looks silly but oh well.

We are currently getting dumped with 8 inches of snow so we have a fire going in the fireplace, music playing, candles lit, and we finished making Christmas cookies. Chris is outside grilling us steak. Yup, you read right. He is OUTSIDE GRILLING!! Gotta love a dedicated grill master. :)

He just waved the finished steak under my nose. It smells delicious!! Gotta run. There is food to be eaten!!

Thanksgiving

It is early Thanksgiving morning and I have much to be thankful for. Unlike many friends, I have a loving husband and a good marriage. I have parents and siblings who care about one another and support each other. Chris and I are able to afford a cozy house filled with candles and music and regularly have food on the table. This is much more than many.

I spent months in a career crisis with no direction. I was unhappy with my current job but couldn't seem to land a job anywhere else. I was questioning my desire to practice social work. I finally landed a few job interviews and as the saying goes, "When it rains, it pours."

I was offered a position at a brand new beautiful hospital as the oncology social worker. I already work on call for the hospital one to two weekends a month. Then I was offered a job with the VA hospital where Chris works. Finally, I received a call from a well known attachment therapist who asked if I would join his private practice and eventually take over his practice when he retired in a few years. After talking with Chris, my parents, and God, I decided to accept the position at the VA. I start on Monday.

On a day when we are supposed to spend time contemplating all we have been blessed with and give thanks to God, He has made it especially easy this year.

Please pray for my friend

Chris and I found out that a close friend of ours was diagnosed with breast cancer today. She is just a few years older than me and has two young children. Chris works with her husband which is how we came to become friends with them. Without trying to put words to how this must feel for our friends, I would imagine that it is difficult for anyone else who hears the news and is close with this couple. For me, difficult doesn't come close to describing it.

Chris told me the news as work was ending and since then I haven't been able to stop crying and am grossly irritable. This dark cloud of sadness has encompassed my heart. Thankfully Chris had to work late so I can sit at home and process why this news is so devestating to me. For anyone who hears this news about a friend, your own mortality is considered. We all take some time to think about what it would look like if it happened to us. Regardless of my usual "I'm too sensitive" thoughts, I couldn't wrap my head around why this was having such a significant impact until a few minutes ago.

This news has been given to me before. I have been told I have cancer. I have been told it doesn't look good and that I will have to say goodbye to my friends. I have laid on the floor in despair listening on the other end of the phone while my parents listened to the doctor talk to them about how bad things looked for me. I have felt the feelings my friend is feeling. Although in social work we are always taught to never say "I understand," I DO understand what it is like to survive the day you are told you have cancer. It is a scary and lonely, and minutes pass that feel pregnant with hopelessness and despair.

A week later the doctors realized they were wrong and I was given my life back. That is where my understanding ends. That is where my love and passion for my friend will continue. Please pray for her.

Sapporo Ichiban

Chris and I were at the grocery store this evening...and for the third time today I might add. Granted the second of three visits wasn't our fault. On the first visit, the pharmacy failed to actually put my medicine in the bag I didn't think to check prior to arriving home. When I called, they informed me that a second visit would be necessary. The third visit was when Chris realized we didn't have an ingredient for the satee burgers he was making tonight.

As we were looking for the hard to find ingredient, I came across a childhood memory. When I was a kid, my mom would visit the local Asian Mart and buy a large box of Sapporo Ichiban. It was a household staple and a favorite of everyone in the family. Sapporo Ichiban is a good tasting version of Ramen noodles. It is a bit pricier costing $.59 a package compared to $.13. $.46 never tasted so good!

When I saw it, I KNEW we had to buy it. Chris said he had never experienced Sapporo Ichiban so I couldn't wait for him to try it. And of course, in true "I have the best husband ever" fashion, Chris loved it.

Childhood memories are the best!

Halloween

Chris and I went to French Lick, Indiana for a Halloween weekend. We almost won for best costume. When we didn't win, we put put up for worst costume. We didn't manage to win that one either. Our costumes were simple. We made a white stick (stick with red on the bottom for blind people) and then used tape to write the date (10/27/07) across our chests. We went as blind dates. :)

Yesterday we had a Halloween hash. I changed my outfit since it wasn't as funny with only one person. Chris made me a pig nose and I made pig ears. I wrapped a blanket around myself and went as pig in a blanket. It was noted by friends that I think too hard for my costumes.

Tonight the kids come and my favorite part of the day begins...one for them, one for me, one for them, one for me.

And then I go to the gym. :)

Happy Halloween!!!

Weather excitement

Chris is gone and the weather is going a little crazy. We had bad storms last night which pulled siding off of our house. I was sitting on the couch this morning studying for the licensure exam I have tomorrow and heard a scratching noise on the house. I went outside and saw a piece of siding dangling. I pulled it off and noticed there was a second piece looking loose. I went the the gym in the afternoon and when I came home, I saw the second piece had fallen and there was a third looking loose. I called Chris and gave him to the news about the house and we tried to determine if this was something we needed to jump on today or tomorrow. He knows I hate dealing with this kind of thing so offered to make the necessary phone calls.

I just got home from my final marathon study session and flipped on the tv to see we are under a tornado watch. The wind is blowing and the cat is freaking out. I'm hoping the house manages to stay mostly together. I guess I won't know until I wake up tomorrow...

***A tornado warning was just issues for three parts of Indiana. Whew, this could be a long night before a long test tomorrow. Good thing I'm a sound sleeper.

Lonely thoughts

God knew I wasn't mean to live alone. God gave me roommates in college. He gave me apartment-mates after college. Then God gave me a husband. Never have I had to live alone. Well, Chris left this afternoon for Detroit. I promptly left with a girlfriend to watch the Bears game at a sports bar. I figured it was a way to take my mind off of Chris leaving. The Bears lost in the final seconds of the game with the Vikings kicking a field goal. Not a good start to the evening.

I got home and called my sister. Voicemail.

I called an old friend from Wheaton who had left a message two days ago. He and his fiance broke up.

I lit candles in every room, turned on music, and started cleaning. The dishwasher is empty. The dust is gone. The washing machine is running.

Here I sit...next to the cat who won't sit with me because he prefers Chris' lap to my lap. I think he misses Chris too.

Since I got home from the Bears game it has gotten dark. The music on my iPod all seems melancholy. The only light in the house is the glow of the candles and the computer screen.

I think I need a hobbie...

In the meantime, here are a few more pictures of our trip to Denver.

Job interviews

My life for the last two weeks has consisted of job interviews and therefore stress and anxiety. It can be challenging for someone who hasn't interviewed in a while to completely understand the emotional rollercoaster of interviewing. Gone are the days of one on one interviews where you have an opportunity to make a connection with the interviewer. Here are the days of being picked apart by 5-10 strangers at one time. Imagine walking into a room where every ounce of you is analyzed...what you wear, how you wear it, how your hair is styled, how much make up you are wearing, how nervous you seem, how much you smile, how little you smile, how many questions you ask, how few questions you ask, etc... And that doesn't even begin to address HOW you answer the interview questions. I have three of four interviews done, two of those were for the same position. One of the interviews was really rough and had triple and quadruple stacked questions. For example:

Tell about a time you had a problem with a team member. What happened? How did you handle it? How would we know when you are angry? How do you handle being angry?

Tell about a time you went above and beyond for a client. What did you do, what was the outcome, and why did you choose to do so with this specific client?

AND THAT IS CONSIDERED TWO QUESTIONS!!

Obviously with job interviews there are two possible outcomes. One is a job change which is great but even good stress is still stress. The other is rejection. This is the piece that is difficult. As much as you can convince yourself that it isn't true, getting turned down for a job is both personal and professional rejection. Someone (or many someones) don't want you. Either you aren't good enough or someone is better than you. Bottom life: You aren't it. You aren't wanted.

It is a tough position to be in and I can't wait for the interviews to be over. I am hopeful my interviews will result in a job change. A much as I love the kids I am currently working with, the politics, paperwork, insurance, pressure of productivity, and the parents who refuse to be a part of their child's life is burning me out.

I will keep you posted on either my rejection or new good stress.

Oh, and since I hate blogs with tons of words and no pictures, here is a picture of our summer trip to Denver.

Path of Sprinkles

My cousin, Liz Ann, started blogging not too long ago. It took me a while to check it out and when I finally did, I loved it. I just pulled her blog up again and read the entire thing from start to finish. (Good thing she hasn't been writing for too long.)

Anyway, her words are inspiring and her love of God is moving. I especially enjoyed the blog about how we are like cups in how we break. What kind of cup are you? Tea cup, Styrofoam cup, mug, etc...

Although I don't have the talent of expressing myself in the way she does, I can see so many similarities in our emotions. She is absolutely precious.

Check out her blog. It is worth the time...

pathofsprinkles.blogspot.com

Best husband ever...again.

All last year I wanted a Bears jersey but never really looked into it because they were so expensive. This year I decided I HAD to have one. I spent a few weekends looking on the internet for something that might be affordable. I found one last week but Chris said he thought he could find something less expensive. Instead of Chris taking the computer to find this so called less expensive jersey, he just sat on the couch and did nothing. I was frustrated but put the computer aside and decided I would ask another time and perhaps include some begging.

This morning I got ready for church and when I walked into the kitchen where Chris was making breakfast, he asked why I wasn't wearing my Bears shirt. I reminded him that the shirt is so huge it looks like a nightshirt so it isn't fit to wear. He threw me over his shoulder, carried me into the bedroom, and asked me to pull out the over sized shirt. In the drawer was my new Bears jersey he bought for me a few weeks ago and was hiding until this morning. He even went so far as to get a friend involved to make sure that when the jersey arrived in the mail, I wouldn't find it.

Just another example of how my husband is the best husband ever.

The joys of cats

I hadn't mentioned it previously because at the time, it was a bit too difficult. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know that Moses, our black kitty, had many behavioral problems. We tried everything and when nothing worked, we put him down. It was a horrible experience and I never want to do it again. Needless to say it was a bit of a shock when we got home from the vet's office after doing the deed and found poop on the carpet from Moses' brother Mijo (pronounced Me-ho.) We freaked out but figured it was a fluke...I mean, certainly we didn't put down the wrong cat did we?

(pregnant pause for effect)

Of course we didn't!!! Are you nuts?? We knew it was Moses who was meowing all night long and peeing on the carpet. Sadly I think he taught Mijo a few tricks before the final trip to the vet.

Mijo has been what I call the "occasional pooper." He poops on the floor when the box isn't to his liking and I admit we have gotten a bit lax about cleaning it. With Moses, if it wasn't cleaned out by 4PM on the dot he would poop on the floor...and sometimes he pooped on the floor just because it was fun. We still clean it but probably only every other day since we are down to one cat.

Chris, being the wonderful husband that he is, deep cleaned it this weekend because our occasional pooper was up to his old tricks. A deep clean means Chris dumps the litter out, sprays the two litter boxes the spoiled cat has with a hose, uses a special cleaner for cats to eliminate potential odors that weren't eliminated by the hose of death, dries the boxes in the sun, and fills them with clean litter. The boxes have been cleaned daily since then.

Note that it is only Wednesday.

I got home from work today and I am not kidding, Mijo pooped on the kitchen counter. I took a picture but decided not to attach it in case cat poop grosses anyone out. If anyone is interested, let me know and I will e-mail it to you. How do I handle this? What on God's green earth posses a cat to poop on the kitchen counter...a place he already knows he isn't allowed?

I have scrubbed the counter down with bleach and lit a strong smelling candle. It still smells like poop.

Business Time

This is a link to youtube showing Flight on the Conchords, a band from I don't remember where. New Zealand perhaps? Anyway, it is really funny and worth checking out.



Mijo has checked it out already and for him, it is Business Time.

Couch

For the last few months Chris has been complaining about our couch. He seems to think it sags in the middle and swears it would be better if we had gotten a shorter couch. We even looked at couches at Costco today. Of course it isn't in the budget and won't be for a looong time. Chris hates the couch so much he said he would torch it and pee on it if given the opportunity. That is severe dislike for an object if you ask me...which you didn't...but it is my blog so I can write what I want.

Anyway, we overturned the cushions on the couch looking for something earlier today. It was then that we noticed a broken board. More accurately, make that a board snapped in two. Chris and I then started to recall a particularly delightful evening where we took the advice of Uncle Rob, the wonderful man who married us. As Chris and I were driving off to our hotel the night of our wedding, Uncle Rob told us that the best cure for a bad headache is... well... ...ya know... um... ...sex!!

No wonder the couch has been sinking for the last few months. Oops. But what a memorable night that was. Of course Chris and I kept asking each other why we didn't look at the couch the night we broke it. I reminded him we were a bit preoccupied.

My parents broke a bed. We broke our couch. We are official!

The results are in!

The doc called this morning and gave me the thumbs up. Praise God!!

Am I invisible?

Doctors have proven to be a challenge lately. I'm sure everyone has their story about a lousy doctor they have had. I seem to have several stories and the stories haven't stopped coming.

I had a less than fun procedure two weeks ago and the doctor and nurse were well aware that I was anxious about the results. After specifically asking, I was told the results would be back in a week. Since the procedure was done in the afternoon, I decided to wait a week and two days before calling about my results. The triage nurse was very nice and explained that the doctor was out in surgery that morning but would return to the office in the afternoon to see patients. She said my lab results were in but she couldn't tell me what they were because the doc hadn't reviewed them yet but that "she would be sure and attach a note stating I had called and was concerned about the results." Then I waited. I waited until 4:27 because the office closes at 4:30. I spoke with the same nurse who said the doctor had been very busy the entire afternoon and hadn't had time to review my results but that she would put another note on my chart stating I had called back. That was last Friday.

I didn't call on Monday because I wanted to give the doctor a fair shot. She didn't call.

I finally called Tuesday afternoon and spoke to the same nurse who informed me the doctor had been busy all Monday and was out of the office all day on Tuesday. She all but promised me I would get a call on Wednesday with my results because the doc would be in the office all day. She also said she would leave a third note stating I had called and would put my chart and results on the top of the doctor's desk.

I guess the results got lost. Or the doctor got busy. Or the doctor is too busy for me. Or the doctor doesn't seem to think this matters to me. Or the doctor thinks the results are so bad she doesn't want to call. Or I am actually invisible and don't really exist and this entire thing is a figment of my imagination. There are a variety of reasons no one called me today. The longer it takes to receive the call, the more my imagination has time to create a variety of horrible things.

I guess I will call again tomorrow. Hopefully the doctor didn't decide to take a vacation day tomorrow or call in sick due to a painful hangnail.

It has been a bad day. :(